My six-year-old daughter recently informed me that she wants to travel to every country in the world. That she wants to meet all the different kinds of people, eat the different foods, and see it all.
“Great, honey! I’ll take you to all those places, and we’ll see them together!” was my cheerful, good-mommy reply, while my daughter proceeded to show me the locations of China and India on our world map poster.
And I meant it. Really.
But while she chattered on, and I smiled and nodded, I heard less of her sweet voice and more of that still, soft one that said, “You just lied to her.”
“Did not.”
“Oh, you so just did. Remember Pa?”
“Yes, I remember my grandfather, thank you very much. He talked about going to Ireland for years. Never actually made it there, but…”
“And your Mom? She wants to go to Ireland too. And Hawaii. And Europe. Do you think she’ll ever make it there?”
“Well, probably not, with her limited mobility and funds, but maybe I can take her…”
“You?!!! (snorting laugh, poorly stifled) Ok, sure, you. Where have you been in the last ten years?”
“Shut up.”
“Go on. Where have you been?”
“Florida! See, I’ve traveled. Oh, and Nashville. And that week at the beach four years ago. See!”
“What about Austria?”
“I can’t afford Austria right now.”
“You always said you’d go to Austria and do that Sound of Music tour. And Germany. And Italy. And, of course, Ireland, just like your mom and grandpa wanted to.”
“I went to England.”
“That was thirteen years ago. Doesn’t count. What do you have planned for the future? What have you planned for your daughter?”
“I will take her to these places, but plane tickets aren’t free. I just don’t have the money right now. Besides, she’s only six. Maybe when she’s older, a teenager…”
“Ok, sure. When she’s a teenager. That’s fine. Do you have a plan for that in action right now? She’s halfway to thirteen already.”
“She is?”
“Yep. You’ll stay busy, let her become a teenager, and you still won’t be ready to take her anywhere. What’s more, you still won’t have been anywhere.”
“Not true. We’ve been twice now to Walt Disney World. Lots of fun there. And twice we’ve been to the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot’s World Showcase. She got to see examples of all kinds of countries there. She tried on a hat in the China pavilion and we watched the panoramic film. She loved that. We ate at a Norwegian breakfast buffet. She had a Belgian waffle and saw a miniature Eiffel tower. She even made friends with a little Scottish girl at the Moroccan fountain. It was awesome. See, that’s all the travel she needs at this point.”
“Right.”
“And it’s all I need at this point.”
“Of course.”
“Listen, things are tight right now because the kids are young. But as soon as they’re bigger, as soon as they’re grown, they’ll be able to make their own destinies. If they want to travel, they can.”
“So, as soon as she’s grown, this little one here, the one pointing to Brazil on the map while talking about Hawaii, is going to travel the world, just like she is saying right now that she will.”
“Yes. She will actually do it. It will be great.”
“Like you did?”
“I still can.”
“Like your mom, or her father before her? I’m seeing a pattern here.”
“I said shut up.”
“And your daughter is part of that pattern. You’re raising her to be just like you. To have all these ‘one day’ dreams but never do anything about them.”
“Hey, I’m only thirty-nine.”
“I’ll bet your mom remembers being thirty-nine. You remember when she was thirty-nine. Now she’s almost seventy.”
“Way harsh.”
“Just admit defeat. You’ve never been anywhere, at least not in a long time, and you’re not going anywhere. And neither is your daughter.”
“Yes, we have. I told you, we went to Walt Disney World. Twice, actually.”
“Doesn’t count.”
“Yes it does. Do you have any idea how long that was my dream?”
“But Austria…”
“I asked you a question. Do you have any idea how long is was my dream to go to Walt Disney World?”
“But that’s not world travel. You know, Walt Disney World isn’t really the whole world.”
“You’re still avoiding my question because you’re ignoring the truth. Do you remember what life was like when this little one at the map was born?”
(pause) “Maybe.”
“I do. We had so much credit card debt that we couldn’t afford food after minimum payments without charging the groceries. Every day that went by would put us into more credit card debt. We lived on handouts from family. I had to ask my mother–yes the one that never travelled–for help with baby formula and diapers. My husband and I would take walks and dream about the day we could afford a real pizza from a real restaurant, instead of a ninety-nine cent Totino’s that was marked down for quick sale.”
“Things never got that bad for you.”
“Oh, they so did, at their worst. That was when we made the decision to cut the credit cards, turn our lives around, and make it out of the debt. And we did it. It took years of saying no to anything fun, lots of work and sacrifices, but we did it.”
“Listen, your drama is entertaining…”
“We would watch the Disney planning video, sometimes every week, knowing that I would end up crying in frustration before it was over. I read blogs and listened to podcasts for years, jealous of anyone who could travel while we were working so hard just to save. But we did it. We got out of debt, we knew just how much to save up for our dream vacation, we knew just what to do, and we did it.”
“Shut up.”
“Struck a nerve, huh? And, not only have we been twice, but we went completely on cash, without using a credit card a single time. We’re still debt-free.”
“So what exactly is your point?”
“That we stopped settling. That we changed our finances and our financial future. That we changed our attitude about traveling and what we can and cannot have. That we had a dream, we made a plan, we met our goals, and we can make bigger and better ones and meet them too, and…”
“Catchy, but what about your daughter?”
“Let me finish. I was going to say that we’ve changed our family tree. You were right. She’s part of a pattern. We’re raising her to be just like us. She’s watching and listening.”
(silence)
And I did not lie to her or to myself. We will go to all those places together.
